You Just Never Know!

                            As my parents prepared to celebrate their 40 years of marriage, I started questioning my mom about their love story to discover their secret for such a long marriage. She eagerly started recounting their meeting by saying: "your father, I love him!". As she told me about how her family opposed my dad to marry her because he was "just a pastor" and could not provide. Although my father performed very well academically specifically in Mathematics, no one ever knew that because he had chosen as a young man to serve the Lord wholeheartedly. The feud was based on the fact that my mom was actually in school, and had lawyers, professors and doctors trying to marry her; yet all she wanted was to be with a broke pastor who in hindsight had nothing to offer. Everyone in my huge extended family was against the marriage except my maternal great-grand-mother who is now legend in my hometown. She boldly stood firm against the chosen men of the family and told all of them to let my mother be with the man she loves, and that was pretty much the end of the conversation. 40 years later with 10 children, 24 grandchildren (pending more), and 1great-grandchild, my parents have accomplished much more than what money can buy. They have been able to bring to the U.S all their children and all their grandchildren are here except 4.
                I grew up watching African movies similar to Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare. I never could understand why some Africans refuse to have their children marry the ones they love but rather marry people for economic and societal status, and fame. Although this practice has diminished partially due to westernization, I feel that it continues to be ingrained in the minds of a lot of women both African and even American. Women continue to marry a man for his money, or his family status instead of love. According to research, money is the number 1 cause of divorce among other things. As a married person, I can see how money can affect the marriage. However, it is never the root cause, it is easier to blame money and overlook the real underlining reasons for marital problems. Again there is nothing wrong with making sure that your spouse is stable financially, but it should never be the case to look down on a potential partner simply because he does not have a white collar job or a certain degree. Now, I told my parents' love story because my dad was one of those guys who did not stand a chance at marrying a prominent girl, but when given the chance he was able to prove that your beginnings will never determine your end if you walk in the will of God. My mother was motivated by her love for my father, and because of that they were able to overcome 40 years of hardships, and also enjoyed 40 years of triumph.

           Far too often, women have criteria that they themselves cannot stand against. If you expect a man who has a master's degree or PHD, or a man who majored in a high paying job, you have to ensure that you can also deliver the same criteria. Most definitely do not come to the table with merely a high school diploma or lack thereof and use the man as a financial plan. It will not work in the long run. Accolades are great, but when it comes to marriage it really is not an educational matter. You can make informed decisions in your private life based on your attained knowledge, but neither education, nor money, nor social status is required to have a successful marriage. When I told a friend about a nice young man I met a couple of years ago who held a blue-collar job, she told me, "that's nice but can he take care of you?" I told her I don't know what his profession has to do with his willingness to care for me. Little did she know that he was applying to school to become a pharmacist, so all he needed was a woman who understood that the first few years of their life  may be sacrificial so that he can also finally achieve his goals.

            I am not sure if this happens in other cultures, but it is very apparent in the African population. I encourage you to see people as an end in themselves, and not as a means to an end. Love people for who they are today, and not what they will become. God created us and urges us to call things to be as though they were. Sometimes, you may need to put in some actual work to attain the relationship you want. Everyone has a dream or at least once had a dream. You might just be the person who will motivate this individual to accomplish their dream. So don't lose hope because the package is not glittering from the start. My marriage is living proof of that, and I am glad my decision was based purely on love.

"Keeping up with the Joneses"

                 This week a friend and I got into a conversation about competition amongst friends and family when it comes to dating, marriage, parenting, education, etc... She requested that I expand on some of the factors that influence people to become overtly competitive with those closest to them and even acquaintances. So here, I would like to share my perspective on this important issue most of us are familiar with... 

                Her request led me to research a bit about a term we all know as "keeping up with the joneses", coined in the early 1900's. The "Joneses" were not actual people per se, they were cartoon characters who were never physically seen in the comic strip but were implied to signify "neighbors". The essence of the term is to portray people who compete with others for socio-economic status which tends to lead to unnecessary debt & to some extent even broken relationships. Essentially, one is competing against another based on their perception without being cognizant that their view can in fact be tainted. 

               Life is not a race, and "keeping up" only causes casualties. This topic has been on my heart for quite a while, as I assessed my environment, and witnessed many strained relationships. I pondered about the difference between being genuinely competitive and trying to fit in by replicating the lives of others. Competition is a healthy trait, because it can motivate you to do better and become your best self. Healthy competition is when you use yourself as the standard and not others. Competition is ingrained in us from the time we enter grade school to the point when we enter the workforce, and impacts any ralationship we attempt to build. It is the basis for sibling rivalry and hinders our true purpose in life as we chase the dreams of others. As an attempt to shorten this blog, I will partially address this issue for now. What I have learned over my 27 years of life is that although society materialistically defines success, it is rather a multi-faceted point in life which  is much more subjective than the objective standard precribed by society. 

Success is when the combination of our capabilities, talents, potential, dreams, goals, and knowledge bring us into a state of harmony with our mind, heart and soul. Basically what I consider success may never be considered success for someone else. 

               The point in me leading you thoroughly is to portray how being wrongfully motivated to keep up with others in any aspect of your life ultimately hinders you. Know that the fruit does not fall too far from the tree, so whatever motivates you to get married, pregnant, educated, become a friend, buy things, etc will be the very thing that brings you what you deserve. The energy you put in is the energy you will reap. We participate in many activities and events in our lives such as baby showers, weddings, birthdays, graduations, etc... There is nothing wrong with being inspired by such events, but when people push to the edge to do everything possible to keep up, they end up getting hurt. 

          I encourage you not to be intimidated by happy moments in the lives of your loved ones, but rather celebrate and encourage those around you even if you don't have the very thing you wish for. We are all guided by seasons and times, and when it is your moment to shine you will. 

Happy Holidays everyone. 

Enjoy your week. 

"Attitude determines altitude"

 

             I recently had the opportunity, to perform a dual role as a specialist and trainer for individuals moving from public assistance to finding employment. The goal of the program is to help clients become self sufficient. The challenge in fulfilling my position was neither in obtaining the community resources for the clients, nor in teaching the clients the necessary life skills needed to GET and KEEP a job. The challenge I encountered was rather directed towards my attempt to address the past underlying conditions that affect the clients' present behavior, attitudes, and lack of motivation. 

               About 3 weeks ago, a new young lady walked in my classroom over an hour late, looking all exhausted, and visibly pregnant. She was much younger than my average student. It was a rather big class that day, so I allowed her to just take a seat. I did not at the time address her because I knew she will cause a scene. During break, I inquired about her reason for being late. She replied:"'cuz I got kids!" So I responded: "everyone here got kids," and by everyone I meant there are no student enrolled here who isn't a parent. Her response to me was: "so?" I ignored the comment and quickly caught her up on what she missed and asked her how she planned on making up the time lost. She appeared pertubed that I even required that of her, seeing her present condition. She shook her head, rubbed her belly and said:" I'm due in 2 weeks so what am I gonna do?" Break was over so I had her meet with me 2 days later, where she cried 5 minutes into our conversation and confirmed to me how broken she actually was; hence the behavior. I responded to her with reprimand, love and encouragement she needed to face her current barriers. This is her third child and she is barely 20 years old. Now the manner in which I delt with her is due in part to my knowledge of underlying conditions. Her behavior proved to me that she is in need, and in pain so projecting this negative attitude was just a defense mechanism she used to cope with her issues. 

               "Underlying conditions" is a term I have ingrained in my mind from my years of working in the child welfare system of NYC. The basic definition is pretty much any issue that lies beneath the conscious mind that affects our behavior. Now, this is clearly not the tip of the iceberg situation where you can see, and avoid. Underlying conditions are usually so imbedded in us that they drive our behavior, however we lack the awareness to readily identify them.                         Underlying conditions affect our attitude, and attitudes determine how far we get in life. "Attitude determines altitude" was the motto of the curriculum I thought my students as I attempted to strip away layers of past issues such as rape, Domestic violence, abuse, neglect, addictions etc... These factors hindered them from changing their perception about life and being motivated enough to become employed and also stay employed.

            I wish to inform you that needs drive behavior. So basically, any behavior you display is a sign of something you need. Experience has taught me that teenage girls tend to go after a grown man because they lack a father figure, children who sustain sexual abuse grow to become promiscuous or sexually withdrawn, children who grow up in DV relationships become abusers or victims, children who grow up in substance abuse environments tend to hate such substances, or become abusers themselves. As I mentioned before, my goal in blogging is to address life issues which ultimately determine who we are. I want to encourage you to show concern for people around you even strangers you meet. When someone at the DMV, or supermarket, or at a store displays a behavior that is not appropriate, if you have to be in contact with them, be that person who is patient with them and be that ear to them; because a word you say may impact them to improve their lives. I know it is hard to do, but it is totally worth it when you are able to transform lives with the power of your words. 

I hope this post allows readers to become aware of their own behavior and she'd light on those living in the dark world of emotional trauma that is shunned from our society. 

Be Blessed, 

Relationship Dynamic: Do Better, Get Your Own!

Last week's article elicited several off the line comments and discussions and gave birth to new topics of concern about marriage. Today, I will address the second topic in the relationship dynamic series: dating someone else's spouse. 

Now, I don't know about the rest of you but I normally don't even share my food let alone my man. At a very tender age, I was exposed to the idea of women knowingly and fearlessly dating another woman's husband. The excuse I used to hear when I was 10-13 years old was, : "oh I didn't know he/she was married". However, it has now become common place to the point where a man will approach an obviously pregnant woman, regardless of whether or not she has a ring. We continuously see both men and women attempting to seduce a married person in the presence of their spouse. 

 The list of scenarios goes on and on...  

As I thought about this topic, I was more curious as to why someone would partially partake of the true essence of love, or rather trade it for temporary lust. Sometimes people believe the men were unhappy and the real wives were simply horrific. They find reasons to excuse the cheaters' actions. The truth of the matter is, that it is a self-esteem issue once again. Choosing to be the "other woman" or "other man" portrays the message that you are willing to settle for less as you temporarily rent space in their heart if that. If that person is so miserable in their relationship, they should just walk away, instead of playing around causing casualties to children and  loved ones. The promise that they will leave the spouse for you, is just a tactic. However, I have sadly seen the promise be fulfilled in which case, you must know that the process will only repeat itself. 

I am not writing this topic to demean those who are, or were "the other woman/man". 

I am rather writing to encourage them to raise the bar, stand for morality, expect their own, and know that they deserve better than what they settled for. Complete commitment is more fulfilling than being a bystander,  who envies his real family at a distance, spends holidays alone, and sneaks around  just to enjoy a brief moment with that person. 

I encourage you all to love yourselves and expect more, because you are worth it! 

Relationship dynamic: Infidelity

At work this week, two young men around 22 years of age approached me. One flirtatiously asked my age while the other responded "prolly 21". I smiled and kept working as they both attempted to get my attention by talking about me as though I was not present. Finally I told them I was 17, thinking they wanted an older woman, but that did not work so since they would not give up on getting my attention, I reminded them that this was a work place to try and be professional. So they left, but the one who was interested returned hours later to ask me out for dinner. So I thought to my self that perhaps because my hand was covered he did not see my ring. Therefore I  asked him:"would your behavior change if I told you that I was married". His response threw me off, not because I am naive but because it rang way too familiar. He said that it would not change anything, because what "he doesn't know won't hurt him" and added that I would not be the first married woman he has "messed with". I told him: "I don't think you heard me, I am happily married". He said ok and walked away and ever since avoids even eye contact with me. 

           Prior to getting married, I received messages that portrayed cheating to be normal and acceptable in our society. Women will tell me "that's how men are, you gotta live with it" and some were adamant that it is impossible to find a man who does not cheat. On the other hand, men will say to me "it's easy for men to cheat because women throw themselves at them." Although both statements may have some truth attached to them, they are purely ingrained in fallacies. My goal is not to discuss why men or women cheat, because once you make the decision to cheat, anything could sound like a good reason. I rather wish to shed light on some relationship dynamic that may innocently open the door to infidelity. 

Everyone we encounter plays a role in our lives even those we meet briefly. The workplace might be one of the most vulnerable places for married people, as they become comfortable with members of the opposite sex. There are behaviors that are very suggestive that many are oblivious to. Such behaviors tend to lead to emotional cheating and at times physical cheating. The key here is to honor your marriage wherever you are by making it known through your behavior that you do respect your partner. The way you do that is to not engage in any jokes or behaviors that may give others a reason to disrespect your partner who in fact may not know what is going on at work or away from home. 

In my case I did nothing to attract attention, and clearly informing him of my marital status seemed insignificant until I made it evident that I was not going to disrespect my husband at any point just because he is unaware. 

Whether you are married or in a serious courtship, I encourage you to respect your partner, by being committed to staying faithful despite the numerous temptations out there. Also remember, the decision to cheat comes before the act and not after. 

My Top-5 most valuable List in a life partner

I decided to write this blog considering that I am always advising friends about what to look for in a partner, both women and men. Even before I was married, I was always drawn to the topic of marriage. Despite the little roller coasters I encountered on my way to this blissful end, I was never one to be discouraged about meeting the right person. And Lord knows I have met some interesting individuals in my life! In any case, everyone has a list whether written or mentally engrained. Mine was surely written. In the vows I wrote my lovely husband, I informed him that he was definitely compared to that list. Now, there seems to be a misconception about what the list should contain. I remember looking online for what the list for a husband should contain and asking friends about their own list, one thing is for sure; they had it all wrong. 

A list for a life partner should include your values, because they guide your thoughts and behaviors, and not your needs. I will write later about how needs drive your behavior but for now here is my top-5 most important values to never overlook on your list. 

1. A man who fears God, not someone who attends church regularly, not someone who is a "prayer warrior", not the leader of the choir, and not the musician. But a man who has an intimate relationship with God. 

2. A man who sees you as an equal partner. There is nothing more disturbing than being married to a man who seeks advise from everyone else but his wife. 

3. A man who is not materialistic but selfless. Marriage is a microscope in which personality traits get  magnified. You see how you loved his over the top outfits, and how all your friends thought he could dress, right. Someway, somehow if that's all he is concerned about it can break your marriage. 

4. A man you are attracted to. Not one, you convince yourself to admire, but one you truly fond of. Not someone your friends or family think is cute, but what you view as beautifully made. 

5. Most importantly, a man YOU chose, this will make all the difference. 

Remember it is not how long your list is, but how substantial your values are. You are probably wondering what about education, money, cars, houses, looks, yes what about them? 

This is what I have learned so far in marriage, material things are the icing on the cake, not the real cake :) Don't be distracted by the gold. to be cont... 

Pride & Prejudice

First and foremost I apologize for messing with the weekly schedule. I wish to write weekly, Sundays seemed to be best but due to demands at work, I am a bit delayed. Anyways... 

I hope this blog is helping and encouraging people as I intend. I am aware of the issue of not being able to comment on the post sometimes, and working diligently to resolve...

Today I wish to write briefly on pride and pretentious living and its detriment on our growth. I am sure many of you have been around people who pretend to be someone they are not, but never attempted to tell them directly how you feel about their pretentious nature. Its like being around a friend who needs deodorant, and facing that excruciating contemplation to tell her /him about it. You know you have to be a friend and tell them the truth, but it is nonetheless a painful process in fear that you might hurt their feelings. Well pride and pretense elicit the same feeling within myself and many of you out there when it comes to facing that person. 

Pride is when someone portrays themselves more than what they really are, and look down on everyone else because of that haughty feeling. In reality this person may not necessarily have more but they feel as such thereby exhibiting feelings of conceit and false high self-esteem as an attempt to undermine others. If nothing brings you down pride will. I want to encourage everyone who has ever been prideful, or pretentious to let go of such feelings and become your real self, only then will you grow. If you know people who can use a lesson on humility, please help them, so they can grow as they allow themselves to learn daily. Some pretend so much they forget who they actually are. It's an infectious danger, to remain prideful. You lose friends, family members, co-workers etc... Please spread the message. 

I wish it still took a village to raise a child

           I blog weekly, but i just had to blog again today because of what I just encountered. I checked my Facebook newsfeed today after work and stumbled on a video that a Facebook friend had "liked". I still do not get why Facebook must inform others about the activities of friends. Quite frankly, I have deleted several people based on comments they made on disturbing posts and wish Facebook will not feed me these outrageous logs of what others do. In any case, the still picture of the video was a young adult in her underwear. It was clear that it was a dancing video, but I clicked it because she had a Ghanaian last name, and I like to continue thinking that Ghanaians know better than to do such things. Even though I am half Ghanaian, I am not saying that out of a feeling of ethnocentrism; but rather based on the way children are brought up back home. 

            These 3 young women in the video were all in their underwear dancing and showing the whole entire world their goodies. I felt like my mother as I reacted to the video. I am still in my twenties and yet was disturbed by the video. I am not shocked based on the appropriateness of the video because there are certainly worst videos out there. However, my reaction stems from knowing that these are young ladies who were fooling around and naively thought it was cool to post the video as an attempt to solicite many likes. Yes I wish it still took a village to raise a child, because I was seconds away from sending the young ladies Facebook messages suggesting they remove it before it goes viral and they get impacted in the near future, I.e. Colleges, work interview etc... This social media age is really getting out of control. I remember doing several videos when I used to dance all the time, and wanting to post them to show my skills and how naturally my body responded to the sound of music. Yet, I never did because I knew better. I have a younger sister in college and anytime I see such things, I get nervous. These same young girls will enter relationships and hope to become someone's spouse. Hmmm. I am just curious to hear what your thoughts are about over sharing on social media sites? Do we all realize the negative and lasting impact it may have on our lives? At what point do you mind your business, and at what point should we become villagers in disciplining the younger generation around us and sometimes even older people who do not know any better? 

The stronghold of social media

         A few months ago, I was so excited to catch-up with some friends; so we decided to go to dinner. Before we had a chance to order, one phone vibrated, while the person was replying another phone went off. And then the next. I sat and watched what appeared to be a phone musical chair. This actually made me check if my phone was on because it had not yet gone off. When the waitress arrived, we were all so engulfed in our smart phones. The waitress had to give us more time to place our orders. 

         Just like everyone else, I did not at the time realize how uncouth it was to be on your phone while someone tried to speak with you. What do I know? It was the new norm! So I was going along with the flow. I decided to blog on this subject because I realized that too often such things happen and no one in our social circle is bold enough to address it. 

          The progress made in the field of technology in this day and age has broken global communication barriers, but complicated the very essence of meaningful relationships. It has become nearly impossible to hold a conversation with someone without their phone interfering. We have become slaves to technology and feel at lost without it. We are in the generation where losing our phone causes more havoc than losing our wallets. I ask myself where I would be if I was born and raised in this social media age. The effects of social media are far more than we choose to acknowledge. We must make a conscious effort to spend quality time with friends and family without the constant need to post, comment, or like a photo on Facebook. These sites have become our realities, when in truth a huge discrepancy still exist between our real lives and our social media lives. 

The Things That Matter

Ages ago, Benjamin Franklin coined the term "time is money". Today, many of us use it loosely to describe a plethora of things that we consider a "waste of time".  So I thought about how this statement can relate to my personal life & surely yours as well. For those who work, the phrase signifies the very essence of your paychecks. For those who don't work, time still is money because of the opportunity cost involved. Economists suggest that not earning money as time passes, does not negate the potential time has to produce revenue. So basically while someone is spending time gossiping or searching through Facebook, the opportunity cost could be studying, reading, working, etc.

I wish to draw your attention to the importance of knowing what you actually do with your time. There are daily activities that are necessary for our normal functioning. There are also others that are simple distractions that hinder our normal functioning and impede our progress. I cannot stress how imperative it is to spend your time productively. Time remains a precious commodity that should not be taken for granted because it ultimately determines your life.

 To be successful, you must become selective as to what you give your time and attention to.  You have to know what thoughts to ignore,what comments to ignore, and even what people to ignore.

Every battle that comes across our path is not meant to be fought; instead spend more time developing your gifts and talents.

Remember do not live to please others, because not everyone will celebrate you.

Letting Go of The Ashes

When I first met my husband, I started making a mistake many of you make when it comes to dating. I felt he looked too good, too tall, and behaved too well to be true, so I unconsciously began to test his credibility. What I failed to realize at first was that, by constantly comparing him with someone in my past I was actually sabotaging our relationship. He on the other hand, remained consistent. So I eventually changed my method and instead made a list of important values I cannot live without, and allowed that to  guide our courting stage. I know many who self-sabotage a meaningful relationship only to repeat the vicious cycle of bad break-ups they intended to  prevent in the first place.  To break the cycle, you must let go of the ashes, which is the holding on of past emotional traumas. The ashes hinder our progress and ultimate  joy. 

          The exes we encountered in our lives are just that. We need to forgive them if they hurt us, reflect on the role we played in the relationship and determine where a lesson should be learned. Finally, you must look forward to a healthier relationship and train your mind to trust again. Sometimes we manage to forgive others, but  not ourselves, this is a critical part of healing. Dwelling on the past, prevents us from giving our all to the new people we meet in life. This does not only apply to boyfriends or husbands, but also to the friends and family members who have bruised our self-esteem. By letting go, you are freeing yourself of the emotional bondage you succumbed to during such relationships.  True healing only occurs when you are vulnerable enough to genuinely love again. 

The Underlining Truth

              In 2011, I had an interesting conversation with a fine young man I met in 2008 but did not date until 3 years later.  One day he said, he has something important to tell me. He proceeds to say: " I will be a liar if I told you I didn't like you, and its obvious you like me too, but I also like another girl in DC."  I sat there quietly for a good 5 minutes while he stared at me.  Then he says to me: "you're not gonna say anything?"  So, I told him: "the reason you are confused is because you want to be with the girl in DC.  So there is nothing for me to say."  He chuckled at that answer and had nothing to say to my response.  So I immediately asked him, nicely, to drop me off at home. The ride was silent. Of course when I got home, I wrote in my diary and laughed off the disappointment. 

             For some reason, my response must have taken him off-guard because he began to call me more. Needless to say, I was done with him. So as time went by, it really made me think about how dating causes so many casualties and continuously lowers one's self-esteem. Dating could be rough, but in introspect, I see that some women tend to be treated bad in relationships because they allow it. Women work so desperately to hold on to a man who has no intention of being with them or helping them improve even as a friend!  I know this may be a hard truth but women invest their all in dead-end relationships because they do not have the strength to move on and also because they are ignorant of their self-worth. 

The underlining truth is low self-esteem will always lead to unfilled relationships. 

Plan A or Plan B?

Photo by Jey.Ahr.Photos

In the previous post, it was established that it is very important to acquire enough strength to make your own choices. So assuming we are now able to make our own choices, how do we differentiate a good decision from a bad one?

Even though not all the decisions I have made produced good outcomes, I learned overtime that every choice contributed to the building of the foundation of who I am today. Aldous Huxley once said “experience is not what happens to a man, but it is what a man does with what happens to him” I believe that sometimes things do happen that we cannot control. However, our reaction to that “thing” has more impact than what actually happens.

I am a known risk-taker, and I don’t mean going on roller-coasters or driving 90 miles per hour, rather my choices are usually out of the “norm”. Today, I will tell you about just 3 of the decisions that significantly impacted my life.

1.      I resigned from 5 full-time salaried positions within the past 5 years. Of course I was considered crazy each time, but when I saw a copy of my current position’s requirement, it entailed everything I had learned throughout the 5 previous positions.

2.       Choosing to attend BYU was “the road not taken”, even people who had never been to Utah told me why I should not attend BYU. Lesson learned: If I had to do college all over again I will once again choose BYU. Absolutely no regrets.

3.      My decision to marry my husband after two months of dating was definitely discouraged, but I must say our journey has been the best 15 months of my life so far.

I wish I can provide you with formulas that will detect good choices from bad ones, but in reality there are none. You just need to rely on your logic, your instinct (the Holy Ghost for some), and the knowledge you have. So good or bad remains subjective, as it pertains to your purpose in this life.

Inner Strength: The Foundation of Choices

Have you ever been so excited about pursuing a dream, that you could not wait to share with others, only to be told why you should not endeavor to do so? I am sure we all have. Trusting the advice of those around us can sometimes disable our motivation, and hinder our willingness to even try. 

Life is full of choices and one way or another we have all had to make choices. Whether it was deciding between a burger or a salad for dinner, choosing a life partner, a career, friends,  or even where to live. Despite how small or how big you felt the choice was, you still had to make a choice. Every decision we are faced with has pros and cons, but the most important thing to remember is that although those around you may be affected by your choices, you are the one who ultimately has to live with the consequences of your actions, whether good or bad. A choice is rarely hard to make when we expect positive results. A choice only becomes a burden  when we anticipate negative consequences. These negative feelings could potentially result from family, friends and even acquaintances. They could also stem from our fear of  failure and lead to a projection of negative vibes. Thus we regress into a life where we settle for less than what we deserve, where we live to please other people, and only succumb to that which is trendy or acceptable by society.

Life in the "settlement zone" is not very pleasant because you constantly live in the shadow of others. You then develop resentment toward the very people whom you tried to please, and envy them for doing their own thing while you lack the courage to be yourself. So, basically they instill fear within you, crippling your natural abilities, and forcing you to become someone you are not. You essentially allow others to determine your fate, while you silently  wish that maybe one day you will finally step out and choose what "YOU" want.  Instead of waiting for  someone else to tell you what to do, you have to learn to fight the negative emotions that evolve within you and take  a bold step. Fear holds you captive and makes you a prisoner to others. As you lose control over your life, you become like a feather, easily swayed. 

To conquer fear and make your own choices, one needs inner strength. My source of strength is my faith in God, recognizing that there is a higher power beyond myself. I want to encourage you to step out and not let fear hold you back and impede your growth and progress.  Know that there is nothing you cannot do if you are walking within your purpose. We will talk more about some of the choices that have impacted my personal life in the next post. Feel free to share how to attain your inner strength.