As my parents prepared to celebrate their 40 years of marriage, I started questioning my mom about their love story to discover their secret for such a long marriage. She eagerly started recounting their meeting by saying: "your father, I love him!". As she told me about how her family opposed my dad to marry her because he was "just a pastor" and could not provide. Although my father performed very well academically specifically in Mathematics, no one ever knew that because he had chosen as a young man to serve the Lord wholeheartedly. The feud was based on the fact that my mom was actually in school, and had lawyers, professors and doctors trying to marry her; yet all she wanted was to be with a broke pastor who in hindsight had nothing to offer. Everyone in my huge extended family was against the marriage except my maternal great-grand-mother who is now legend in my hometown. She boldly stood firm against the chosen men of the family and told all of them to let my mother be with the man she loves, and that was pretty much the end of the conversation. 40 years later with 10 children, 24 grandchildren (pending more), and 1great-grandchild, my parents have accomplished much more than what money can buy. They have been able to bring to the U.S all their children and all their grandchildren are here except 4.
I grew up watching African movies similar to Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare. I never could understand why some Africans refuse to have their children marry the ones they love but rather marry people for economic and societal status, and fame. Although this practice has diminished partially due to westernization, I feel that it continues to be ingrained in the minds of a lot of women both African and even American. Women continue to marry a man for his money, or his family status instead of love. According to research, money is the number 1 cause of divorce among other things. As a married person, I can see how money can affect the marriage. However, it is never the root cause, it is easier to blame money and overlook the real underlining reasons for marital problems. Again there is nothing wrong with making sure that your spouse is stable financially, but it should never be the case to look down on a potential partner simply because he does not have a white collar job or a certain degree. Now, I told my parents' love story because my dad was one of those guys who did not stand a chance at marrying a prominent girl, but when given the chance he was able to prove that your beginnings will never determine your end if you walk in the will of God. My mother was motivated by her love for my father, and because of that they were able to overcome 40 years of hardships, and also enjoyed 40 years of triumph.
Far too often, women have criteria that they themselves cannot stand against. If you expect a man who has a master's degree or PHD, or a man who majored in a high paying job, you have to ensure that you can also deliver the same criteria. Most definitely do not come to the table with merely a high school diploma or lack thereof and use the man as a financial plan. It will not work in the long run. Accolades are great, but when it comes to marriage it really is not an educational matter. You can make informed decisions in your private life based on your attained knowledge, but neither education, nor money, nor social status is required to have a successful marriage. When I told a friend about a nice young man I met a couple of years ago who held a blue-collar job, she told me, "that's nice but can he take care of you?" I told her I don't know what his profession has to do with his willingness to care for me. Little did she know that he was applying to school to become a pharmacist, so all he needed was a woman who understood that the first few years of their life may be sacrificial so that he can also finally achieve his goals.
I am not sure if this happens in other cultures, but it is very apparent in the African population. I encourage you to see people as an end in themselves, and not as a means to an end. Love people for who they are today, and not what they will become. God created us and urges us to call things to be as though they were. Sometimes, you may need to put in some actual work to attain the relationship you want. Everyone has a dream or at least once had a dream. You might just be the person who will motivate this individual to accomplish their dream. So don't lose hope because the package is not glittering from the start. My marriage is living proof of that, and I am glad my decision was based purely on love.
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