About 3 weeks ago, a new young lady walked in my classroom over an hour late, looking all exhausted, and visibly pregnant. She was much younger than my average student. It was a rather big class that day, so I allowed her to just take a seat. I did not at the time address her because I knew she will cause a scene. During break, I inquired about her reason for being late. She replied:"'cuz I got kids!" So I responded: "everyone here got kids," and by everyone I meant there are no student enrolled here who isn't a parent. Her response to me was: "so?" I ignored the comment and quickly caught her up on what she missed and asked her how she planned on making up the time lost. She appeared pertubed that I even required that of her, seeing her present condition. She shook her head, rubbed her belly and said:" I'm due in 2 weeks so what am I gonna do?" Break was over so I had her meet with me 2 days later, where she cried 5 minutes into our conversation and confirmed to me how broken she actually was; hence the behavior. I responded to her with reprimand, love and encouragement she needed to face her current barriers. This is her third child and she is barely 20 years old. Now the manner in which I delt with her is due in part to my knowledge of underlying conditions. Her behavior proved to me that she is in need, and in pain so projecting this negative attitude was just a defense mechanism she used to cope with her issues.
"Underlying conditions" is a term I have ingrained in my mind from my years of working in the child welfare system of NYC. The basic definition is pretty much any issue that lies beneath the conscious mind that affects our behavior. Now, this is clearly not the tip of the iceberg situation where you can see, and avoid. Underlying conditions are usually so imbedded in us that they drive our behavior, however we lack the awareness to readily identify them. Underlying conditions affect our attitude, and attitudes determine how far we get in life. "Attitude determines altitude" was the motto of the curriculum I thought my students as I attempted to strip away layers of past issues such as rape, Domestic violence, abuse, neglect, addictions etc... These factors hindered them from changing their perception about life and being motivated enough to become employed and also stay employed.
I wish to inform you that needs drive behavior. So basically, any behavior you display is a sign of something you need. Experience has taught me that teenage girls tend to go after a grown man because they lack a father figure, children who sustain sexual abuse grow to become promiscuous or sexually withdrawn, children who grow up in DV relationships become abusers or victims, children who grow up in substance abuse environments tend to hate such substances, or become abusers themselves. As I mentioned before, my goal in blogging is to address life issues which ultimately determine who we are. I want to encourage you to show concern for people around you even strangers you meet. When someone at the DMV, or supermarket, or at a store displays a behavior that is not appropriate, if you have to be in contact with them, be that person who is patient with them and be that ear to them; because a word you say may impact them to improve their lives. I know it is hard to do, but it is totally worth it when you are able to transform lives with the power of your words.
I hope this post allows readers to become aware of their own behavior and she'd light on those living in the dark world of emotional trauma that is shunned from our society.
Be Blessed,
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