When I first met my husband, I started making a mistake many of you make when it comes to dating. I felt he looked too good, too tall, and behaved too well to be true, so I unconsciously began to test his credibility. What I failed to realize at first was that, by constantly comparing him with someone in my past I was actually sabotaging our relationship. He on the other hand, remained consistent. So I eventually changed my method and instead made a list of important values I cannot live without, and allowed that to guide our courting stage. I know many who self-sabotage a meaningful relationship only to repeat the vicious cycle of bad break-ups they intended to prevent in the first place. To break the cycle, you must let go of the ashes, which is the holding on of past emotional traumas. The ashes hinder our progress and ultimate joy.
The exes we encountered in our lives are just that. We need to forgive them if they hurt us, reflect on the role we played in the relationship and determine where a lesson should be learned. Finally, you must look forward to a healthier relationship and train your mind to trust again. Sometimes we manage to forgive others, but not ourselves, this is a critical part of healing. Dwelling on the past, prevents us from giving our all to the new people we meet in life. This does not only apply to boyfriends or husbands, but also to the friends and family members who have bruised our self-esteem. By letting go, you are freeing yourself of the emotional bondage you succumbed to during such relationships. True healing only occurs when you are vulnerable enough to genuinely love again.
Well said Ruth! Do you have any advice on how to let the past hurt or feelings go? I know i sometimes recognize that i need to forgive and move on, but actually doing it becomes the struggle.
ReplyDeleteAmi, the first step is to acknowledge the need to forgive and you have done so. Forgiveness is a difficult process if you dwell on the offense, especially when it is from family or people that are very close to you. Remember that the underlining key to forgiveness is love, and love is unconditional. So having said that, you face the issue, I usually pray to gain strength to still love the person who hurt me. It always works.
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