Take nothing for granted.

           Good morning my dear audience.  I haven't been able to blog for two whole months for several reasons. I am apologetic to those who read and supported my blog weekly. I am not fully back but I will attempt to blog as often as I am able to. This time away gave me the opportunity to do some soul searching as I pondered on the most important things in life. 

           Our society is so engrained in capitalism that our lives are becoming more and more materialistic. The virtual lives we experience on social media has made it even more evident that everything we possess is one way or another objectified. Amongst all the "me" "my" "mine" delegations, we discover that we take so much for granted. It is all about the here and now, even our relationships have been mitigated to the pleasure provided through instant gratification. 

              We move so fast that we forget to be thankful for the intangible things in our lives that actually gives us the very essence of life. If you or someone you know has ever been seriously sick or diagnosed with some type of terminal illness, your attention now becomes focused on the priceless nature of health. Health is something we take completely for granted, and forget to count as a blessing whenever we decide to complain about what we do not have. 

              We complain about our jobs sometimes without real reason. We take for granted the air we breath until we experience shortness of breadth. We complain about our friends, children, spouses. Especially in a marriage it is so easy to take much for granted, but what happens when that person is no longer there with you? We ignore family members at our beck and call and constantly reject their love, because of our own selfish natures. 

Today, learn to recognize and acknowledge all the things in your life that are not visible but make it possible for you to go on daily. 

The gift of Easter

The Easter season brings about the remembrance of the Savior's atonement. I am so overwhelmed with the tremendous act of love we received. So today I wish to provoke your minds unto the feeling of Gratitude. 

God took the people of Israel out of Egypt through the parting of the sea, and into the wilderness where he fed them with Mana, food from heaven. God gave them water out of a rock when they were thirsty. Yet still, they murmured against God. 

It is easy for us to look down on the people of Israel as ungrateful after witnessing all these miracles. But we are not any different from them. We receive so many blessings and miracles daily that we are quick to forget as soon as we face a hardship. This past year taught me the secret of living a more fulfilled life. Simply put a heart of Gratitude paves ways to blessings beyond your control. Gratitude relies completely on the Savior, and trusts in the infinite power of his Atonement. 

As you stop complaining about everything, you esteem material possessions less and less; yet your needs will be consistently met. We take so much for granted and cherish nothing in return. When you worry, you doubt God's love. 

Today, learn to become forever grateful, and that will be your anchor in facing the tides of this journey called life. 

Enjoy your Easter! 

Weddings don't need to cost a fortune!

In 18 days, we will be celebrating our one year anniversary, where did the time go! As I reminisced about the wedding day, the vows we wrote, the guests, the decor, the food, the most important thing that stood out to me was the emotions that flooded my heart on that very day. 

There are a few events in life that women yearn for and a glamorous wedding is nothing short of our wishes. However, in an attempt to capture this fairy tale ideology, women at times lose their focus from the marriage to just the wedding. The wedding is just a one day celebration, the marriage is for a lifetime; confusing the two will only cause havoc in your relationship. 

I decided to plan my entire wedding with no assistance, not because I did not need people, but simply because I couldn't deal with the different opinions that were sure to put us in debt. 

Weddings are a huge business for any market, thus their prices are always inflated. Do not spend your money trying to outdo someone else, or just to make it look expensive. Expensive doesn't mean nice, neither does it mean that you actually will be happy that day. Really and truly the most important thing is how you feel on that day, which requires advance mental preparation. Truth is I did indulge on some things that I did not even notice on the wedding day, thanx to my pictures I was able to admire them later. There are so many things you can do without. 

Having a wedding on credit cards, loans or using all of your money is not advisable. You then spend all your time working to pay off the debt. Have a modest wedding. Save the money. Invest in something worthwhile because after the wedding, and even before the honeymoon is over, life gets real! 

Do what you can afford and what makes you both happy, because outsiders will never be satisfied with what you consider your best. 

The importance of loving yourself

Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". When I read this quote over a decade ago, I thought to myself: "who would actually allow someone to make them feel inferior?" Years later, the meaning behind this statement became clear as I observed people mistreated by their families, friends, and partners. No one blatantly consents to being mistreated. However, silence speaks just as loudly as words do. In saying and doing nothing when being disrespected, you indirectly "consent" or agree with the treatment. In saying this, I do not negate the stronghold abuse has on the mind of children, who may be unable to defend themselves.  Ultimately, their childhood experiences will affect their response to how they are treated as adolescents or adults. Abuse causes a lot of people to not love themselves, because they have been told so. If this is your case, you must learn to develop self-love, without approval from others because seeking approval will be detrimental. 

Now for those who have been shown love as children, but still have not managed to love themselves, you are giving up your right to be esteemed as a respectable being. The way you see yourself is how others will see you. Loving yourself means embracing the totality of your being and not just your best features. Your self-love is the standard against which others will treat you. Hence why those with low-self esteem tend to be abused and mistreat repeatedly. So although the people who come in your life differ, your low standard remains the same therefore all these different people treat you the same way. 

When you love yourself, you acknowledge that you are not a perfect being and in fact need not be in order to command respect. It does not make you haughty or prideful, it rather gives you the confidence needed to endure the challenges of life. 

When you love yourself, you do not settle for less, you know when enough is enough, you would not prove yourself to anyone but you, you would not try to fit in, your would not compare yourself to others, you would not let anyone abuse you, EVER! 

Loving yourself means more than dressing in expensive apparel, and surrounding yourself with material possessions. It transcends the eye, because it is a void that is filled from within, yet others can see it on the outside by the way you portray yourself. 

Love yourself, 

Be empowered, 

Share your thoughts, 

The Paradox of the American Dream

After 15 years of living in the United States of America, I have realized that the American Dream inherently is a paradox. The idea behind the American Dream originated from the U.S. Declaration of Independence clause stating: "All men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a dream" speech also derived from this very premise. The American Dream implies that anyone in the U.S. can succeed financially and educationally through hard work.  However, the founding fathers did not realize that the actual attempt to fulfill this dream will come at a much greater cost, and thereby overlooked the barriers to fulfilling the dream. 

I give you a background on this issue because only then would you understand why so many immigrant homes have lost their cultural sensitivity. We leave our native towns and migrate to the U.S. because of better opportunities. Little did we know that doing so in this capitalistic and materialistic society meant trading our marriages, losing our children to the system, engaging in unnecessary competitions and working to the bone, just to have enough to pay the bills. The joy of spending quality time with your spouse, friends and children have been devalued and traded for overtime at work.

You work so hard to put food on the table, but forget to ensure that your family actually sits together to share that very meal. Children do not remember the provisions you made for them, they rather remember how they felt as they spent time with you. 

While parents get so busy in their own separate worlds trying to make it here, they also try to maintain their image back home by building houses they might never even sleep in. As they pursue their dream and attempt to parent at a distance, their children also become so emotionally disconnected from them that they do potentially negative things to fill the void. As I think back to the African children I met in foster care, some abused under parental stress, some left to watch their younger siblings. Then there are those children who are so bright in school, do their best, yet no parent shows up in the audience to watch them recite their poem, or watch them dance. 

Africans in the diaspora continue to increase, the family will also continue to disintegrate, this is our future. 

We were sold a dream, given an opportunity, but never educated on the consequences of fulfilling that dream. So what now? 

The complexity surrounding black skin

                 On February 27, 2014, actress Lupita Nyong'o gave a moving speech at  the 7th annual ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood luncheon in Beverly Hills and reactions to this speech continue to plague social media sites. Although I had a reaction formed in my head, I tried to stay away from commenting but couldn't. Simply because I realize that color continues to be a black person's dilemma and needed to be spoken of. Today's society has made it so that what we wear, think, do, and feel remains a direct product of what we see in the media.  Thus, Lupita on a global scale was able to validate that being black is just as beautiful by saying: "there is no shame in black beauty." To be in a  position of influence is a privilege, and it is great to see that she is using this global platform for a greater purpose and truly hope this purpose is not hindered by the pressures of being a celebrity. Just like everything else in the media, things come and go within a blink of an eye. And although this speech was so moving, I wish that among others this message becomes ingrained in the hearts and minds of black women and men across the nations.

                The strive for beauty as seen in the African, American, and Caribbean cultures is seen by the self-inflicted harm of bleaching our skin. This is obviously the standard prescribed by the media as beauty. I never understood the concept of someone completely changing their skin complexion. As one who suffered from acne for over a decade, I fell prey of bleaching creams namely hydroquinone as an ingredient; all because I wanted to rid my skin of blackheads-the awful aftermath of acne. As I watched my skin tone change to the point where I could no longer recognize myself, I knew that this was going against my belief that God made us the way he intended with no  mistakes. Along with the expensive wet-n-wavy Indian hair on my head, I noticed that I was receiving more compliments from both Caucasian and Hispanic males.  This actually offended me as I compared the attention I previously received. So this caused me to do extensive research on skin bleaching and the harmful ingredients found in these products. Well, for starters, The color change is superficial and not internal unless you take oral products to alter your melanin production. I can imagine how Lupita felt, when I and many others have been told over and over again that African  men find light skin black women more attractive. I mean you have darker women bleaching to become lighter, and even lighter-skinned black women bleaching to highlight their color. The truth remains that none of these women can truly formulate a reason for their bleaching, this shows the seriousness of this issue. So living with that inferiority complex, does more harm than good unless you make the bold decision to be yourself. I do not wish to attack anyone who has bleached their skin, because ultimately this remains your personal preference, but it is something to think about. We can say "black is beautiful" all we want but unless we actually believe those words our daughters and sons will suffer the pain we endured and repeat the vicious cycles that plague black communities.

             About a decade ago, my cousin came to visit from London and while at the Laundromat in NYC, she was told by a Black American man that she was too pretty to be African. This comment was definitely not warranted by her British accent, but the fact that it has been wrongfully ingrained in western societies that being African denotes inferiority to the point where blacks specifically in the United states feel superior to Blacks in Africa.  When a black woman is made aware of her skin it is rarely as a compliment. When a black man is made aware of his skin, it is surrounded by fear and discomfort. Living in Utah I felt so passionate about race, and as time went by I tried to overlook the issues surrounding being black and promoting that everything does not have to do with race. However, the unfortunate truth remains that when you are black your skin color always precedes even your gender. I would not get into the media's influence and subtle messages about blacks. I rather wish to highlight that as a people, we must overcome the mental hindrances of slavery, empower one another, see through a lens of love where prejudicial acts and statements lose all power and control. Most importantly, love the skin you are in no matter what tone you are on the color spectrum.


There is so much  more I wish to say about this topic but this will do for now. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and comments on this very issue.



To read the speech:

 http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/lupita-nyong-moving-speech-essence-event-article-1.1706333#ixzz2uxvFmOKd

Self-worth=Just you +the sum of all your flaws

                                    Today I wish to talk to you about insecurities, an issue I discovered  to be quite universal. Insecurities transcend class, socio-economic status, marital status, education level, and even beauty. The social standards prescribed by society in this day and age, make it so much easier to develop unnecessary insecurities. Whether you meet an overweight or skinny person, there still tends to be a weight concern. When reading about bulimia and anorexia, it seems so unrealistic, until you meet real people suffering from these disorders. Bullying, a despicable behavior seen in school-age children can find its root in the insecurities the aggressors experience. Domestic violence amongst teens and adults in relationships, also another clear indication of insecurities pertaining to imbalance in power and control. Although many of the issues we encounter in our daily lives stem from insecurities and a lack of self-worth, this topic remains the pink elephant in the room. Insecurities are socially imposed disorders that can lead to  years of depression and loneliness and potentially lead to suicide.

                               We tend to mask our feelings of insecurity into aggressiveness, defensiveness,  hatred, jealousy, over-competitiveness, and shyness. In relationships, insecurities may require some partners to be strong for two simply because you may not feel that you are man enough or an ideal woman. This can become overbearing for the partner who always have to encourage you. In such situations, you must acknowledge the insecurity,  recognize your self-worth, and communicate with your partner to prevent jealousy, distrust, betrayal, etc. In school settings, you have peer groups formed as clicks based on the type of clothes they were(name brands), the grades they receive, and even cultural background. Parents are forced to adhere to the school fashion status quo so that their children are not isolated. It is almost impossible for anyone to boldly acknowledge their insecurities, yet we all display attitudes and behaviors  based on them. Ultimately, we all have insecurities even I.

                             I quite remember in the 10th grade, someone I considered a friend made a comment about my face. I was so devastated and still remember it to this day. I have personally suffered from acne for over a decade.  After 2 years of recovery, I find myself returning to the same teenage routine I had literally 10 years ago. I could have fooled everyone around me due to my confidence, but I have always been so insecure about my skin breaking out. I remember reading an article about acne, which stated that employers can disqualify you in interviews because you have bad skin. Well you might scream discrimination, but you will never know that a generic "thank you for applying" letter had something to do with your skin. According to the article, the idea behind that scenario is that healthy skin denotes good genes etc... I felt so discouraged but luckily, I can't remember being disqualified by any job after actually interviewing. Nonetheless, looks may not be everything but they become  something when it matters. As I matured, I learned to live with the acne and did not allow it to ruin it for me. When anyone is inconsiderate enough to make rude comments about it, I just brush it off because I realized that it does not define me. Is it hard? YES! Especially since everyone you see on TV is flawless and has been photo-shopped. Just know that every condition you are in, there is always worst out there, and things can always be far worst.

                            When you see that woman with a husband, good career, children, nice house, and is beautiful on top of that you might think to yourself that she's got it all and see her life as perfection. Little do you know that this same woman may be insecure about her marriage, or her looks the very thing you find "beautiful". When you see that young man in his luxury car nicely dressed with a good job, you might think he's got it all. You may never know that they are actually too shy to even ask a girl out, or simply because they suffer from halitosis (bad breath).  

                            Your self-worth is completely independent of your shortcomings, and your insecurities. Learn to embrace all of you. Acknowledge your insecurities, you need to be able to say oh well and keep it moving. Recognize that others behavior towards you may be due to their own insecurities, in so doing you  may be able to also help them to deal with their situation  in a healthy manner.

Most importantly, No one is perfect. In creating you, God made provisions for all your shortcomings and loves you all the same.