The Things That Matter

Ages ago, Benjamin Franklin coined the term "time is money". Today, many of us use it loosely to describe a plethora of things that we consider a "waste of time".  So I thought about how this statement can relate to my personal life & surely yours as well. For those who work, the phrase signifies the very essence of your paychecks. For those who don't work, time still is money because of the opportunity cost involved. Economists suggest that not earning money as time passes, does not negate the potential time has to produce revenue. So basically while someone is spending time gossiping or searching through Facebook, the opportunity cost could be studying, reading, working, etc.

I wish to draw your attention to the importance of knowing what you actually do with your time. There are daily activities that are necessary for our normal functioning. There are also others that are simple distractions that hinder our normal functioning and impede our progress. I cannot stress how imperative it is to spend your time productively. Time remains a precious commodity that should not be taken for granted because it ultimately determines your life.

 To be successful, you must become selective as to what you give your time and attention to.  You have to know what thoughts to ignore,what comments to ignore, and even what people to ignore.

Every battle that comes across our path is not meant to be fought; instead spend more time developing your gifts and talents.

Remember do not live to please others, because not everyone will celebrate you.

Letting Go of The Ashes

When I first met my husband, I started making a mistake many of you make when it comes to dating. I felt he looked too good, too tall, and behaved too well to be true, so I unconsciously began to test his credibility. What I failed to realize at first was that, by constantly comparing him with someone in my past I was actually sabotaging our relationship. He on the other hand, remained consistent. So I eventually changed my method and instead made a list of important values I cannot live without, and allowed that to  guide our courting stage. I know many who self-sabotage a meaningful relationship only to repeat the vicious cycle of bad break-ups they intended to  prevent in the first place.  To break the cycle, you must let go of the ashes, which is the holding on of past emotional traumas. The ashes hinder our progress and ultimate  joy. 

          The exes we encountered in our lives are just that. We need to forgive them if they hurt us, reflect on the role we played in the relationship and determine where a lesson should be learned. Finally, you must look forward to a healthier relationship and train your mind to trust again. Sometimes we manage to forgive others, but  not ourselves, this is a critical part of healing. Dwelling on the past, prevents us from giving our all to the new people we meet in life. This does not only apply to boyfriends or husbands, but also to the friends and family members who have bruised our self-esteem. By letting go, you are freeing yourself of the emotional bondage you succumbed to during such relationships.  True healing only occurs when you are vulnerable enough to genuinely love again. 

The Underlining Truth

              In 2011, I had an interesting conversation with a fine young man I met in 2008 but did not date until 3 years later.  One day he said, he has something important to tell me. He proceeds to say: " I will be a liar if I told you I didn't like you, and its obvious you like me too, but I also like another girl in DC."  I sat there quietly for a good 5 minutes while he stared at me.  Then he says to me: "you're not gonna say anything?"  So, I told him: "the reason you are confused is because you want to be with the girl in DC.  So there is nothing for me to say."  He chuckled at that answer and had nothing to say to my response.  So I immediately asked him, nicely, to drop me off at home. The ride was silent. Of course when I got home, I wrote in my diary and laughed off the disappointment. 

             For some reason, my response must have taken him off-guard because he began to call me more. Needless to say, I was done with him. So as time went by, it really made me think about how dating causes so many casualties and continuously lowers one's self-esteem. Dating could be rough, but in introspect, I see that some women tend to be treated bad in relationships because they allow it. Women work so desperately to hold on to a man who has no intention of being with them or helping them improve even as a friend!  I know this may be a hard truth but women invest their all in dead-end relationships because they do not have the strength to move on and also because they are ignorant of their self-worth. 

The underlining truth is low self-esteem will always lead to unfilled relationships. 

Plan A or Plan B?

Photo by Jey.Ahr.Photos

In the previous post, it was established that it is very important to acquire enough strength to make your own choices. So assuming we are now able to make our own choices, how do we differentiate a good decision from a bad one?

Even though not all the decisions I have made produced good outcomes, I learned overtime that every choice contributed to the building of the foundation of who I am today. Aldous Huxley once said “experience is not what happens to a man, but it is what a man does with what happens to him” I believe that sometimes things do happen that we cannot control. However, our reaction to that “thing” has more impact than what actually happens.

I am a known risk-taker, and I don’t mean going on roller-coasters or driving 90 miles per hour, rather my choices are usually out of the “norm”. Today, I will tell you about just 3 of the decisions that significantly impacted my life.

1.      I resigned from 5 full-time salaried positions within the past 5 years. Of course I was considered crazy each time, but when I saw a copy of my current position’s requirement, it entailed everything I had learned throughout the 5 previous positions.

2.       Choosing to attend BYU was “the road not taken”, even people who had never been to Utah told me why I should not attend BYU. Lesson learned: If I had to do college all over again I will once again choose BYU. Absolutely no regrets.

3.      My decision to marry my husband after two months of dating was definitely discouraged, but I must say our journey has been the best 15 months of my life so far.

I wish I can provide you with formulas that will detect good choices from bad ones, but in reality there are none. You just need to rely on your logic, your instinct (the Holy Ghost for some), and the knowledge you have. So good or bad remains subjective, as it pertains to your purpose in this life.