The Paradox of the American Dream

After 15 years of living in the United States of America, I have realized that the American Dream inherently is a paradox. The idea behind the American Dream originated from the U.S. Declaration of Independence clause stating: "All men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness." Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s "I have a dream" speech also derived from this very premise. The American Dream implies that anyone in the U.S. can succeed financially and educationally through hard work.  However, the founding fathers did not realize that the actual attempt to fulfill this dream will come at a much greater cost, and thereby overlooked the barriers to fulfilling the dream. 

I give you a background on this issue because only then would you understand why so many immigrant homes have lost their cultural sensitivity. We leave our native towns and migrate to the U.S. because of better opportunities. Little did we know that doing so in this capitalistic and materialistic society meant trading our marriages, losing our children to the system, engaging in unnecessary competitions and working to the bone, just to have enough to pay the bills. The joy of spending quality time with your spouse, friends and children have been devalued and traded for overtime at work.

You work so hard to put food on the table, but forget to ensure that your family actually sits together to share that very meal. Children do not remember the provisions you made for them, they rather remember how they felt as they spent time with you. 

While parents get so busy in their own separate worlds trying to make it here, they also try to maintain their image back home by building houses they might never even sleep in. As they pursue their dream and attempt to parent at a distance, their children also become so emotionally disconnected from them that they do potentially negative things to fill the void. As I think back to the African children I met in foster care, some abused under parental stress, some left to watch their younger siblings. Then there are those children who are so bright in school, do their best, yet no parent shows up in the audience to watch them recite their poem, or watch them dance. 

Africans in the diaspora continue to increase, the family will also continue to disintegrate, this is our future. 

We were sold a dream, given an opportunity, but never educated on the consequences of fulfilling that dream. So what now? 

The complexity surrounding black skin

                 On February 27, 2014, actress Lupita Nyong'o gave a moving speech at  the 7th annual ESSENCE Black Women In Hollywood luncheon in Beverly Hills and reactions to this speech continue to plague social media sites. Although I had a reaction formed in my head, I tried to stay away from commenting but couldn't. Simply because I realize that color continues to be a black person's dilemma and needed to be spoken of. Today's society has made it so that what we wear, think, do, and feel remains a direct product of what we see in the media.  Thus, Lupita on a global scale was able to validate that being black is just as beautiful by saying: "there is no shame in black beauty." To be in a  position of influence is a privilege, and it is great to see that she is using this global platform for a greater purpose and truly hope this purpose is not hindered by the pressures of being a celebrity. Just like everything else in the media, things come and go within a blink of an eye. And although this speech was so moving, I wish that among others this message becomes ingrained in the hearts and minds of black women and men across the nations.

                The strive for beauty as seen in the African, American, and Caribbean cultures is seen by the self-inflicted harm of bleaching our skin. This is obviously the standard prescribed by the media as beauty. I never understood the concept of someone completely changing their skin complexion. As one who suffered from acne for over a decade, I fell prey of bleaching creams namely hydroquinone as an ingredient; all because I wanted to rid my skin of blackheads-the awful aftermath of acne. As I watched my skin tone change to the point where I could no longer recognize myself, I knew that this was going against my belief that God made us the way he intended with no  mistakes. Along with the expensive wet-n-wavy Indian hair on my head, I noticed that I was receiving more compliments from both Caucasian and Hispanic males.  This actually offended me as I compared the attention I previously received. So this caused me to do extensive research on skin bleaching and the harmful ingredients found in these products. Well, for starters, The color change is superficial and not internal unless you take oral products to alter your melanin production. I can imagine how Lupita felt, when I and many others have been told over and over again that African  men find light skin black women more attractive. I mean you have darker women bleaching to become lighter, and even lighter-skinned black women bleaching to highlight their color. The truth remains that none of these women can truly formulate a reason for their bleaching, this shows the seriousness of this issue. So living with that inferiority complex, does more harm than good unless you make the bold decision to be yourself. I do not wish to attack anyone who has bleached their skin, because ultimately this remains your personal preference, but it is something to think about. We can say "black is beautiful" all we want but unless we actually believe those words our daughters and sons will suffer the pain we endured and repeat the vicious cycles that plague black communities.

             About a decade ago, my cousin came to visit from London and while at the Laundromat in NYC, she was told by a Black American man that she was too pretty to be African. This comment was definitely not warranted by her British accent, but the fact that it has been wrongfully ingrained in western societies that being African denotes inferiority to the point where blacks specifically in the United states feel superior to Blacks in Africa.  When a black woman is made aware of her skin it is rarely as a compliment. When a black man is made aware of his skin, it is surrounded by fear and discomfort. Living in Utah I felt so passionate about race, and as time went by I tried to overlook the issues surrounding being black and promoting that everything does not have to do with race. However, the unfortunate truth remains that when you are black your skin color always precedes even your gender. I would not get into the media's influence and subtle messages about blacks. I rather wish to highlight that as a people, we must overcome the mental hindrances of slavery, empower one another, see through a lens of love where prejudicial acts and statements lose all power and control. Most importantly, love the skin you are in no matter what tone you are on the color spectrum.


There is so much  more I wish to say about this topic but this will do for now. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and comments on this very issue.



To read the speech:

 http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/lupita-nyong-moving-speech-essence-event-article-1.1706333#ixzz2uxvFmOKd